Alrighty then…I’m finally on the ball for today’s
Top Ten Tuesdays!!
This week I decided to put some of my favorite
quotes up. Some are funny and some a bit more serious, but I feel they are
always helpful and wanted in my world. I’m always on the lookout to try to find
the humor in things (even in this more-than-pesky illness) and to find
encouragement where I can. To my knowledge these quotes are from authors
unknown.
Hopefully you’ll get a laugh or some encouragement
from them also. Be well J Top Ten List of Quotations that bring
me Laughter and Encouragement:
1. “May your life be like toilet paper…Long and
useful.”
2. “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving
definitely isn’t for you!”
3. “A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort!”
4. “Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble
that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find
you have crossed the mountain.”
5. “I’ve learned that it’s those small daily
happenings that make life so spectacular. So start enjoying those little things
in life—it does make a difference.”
6. “I’ve learned that the easiest way for me to
grow as a person, is to make sure that I surround myself with people smarter
than I am.”
7. “I’ve learned that life is tough, but I’m
tougher!”
8. “Time goes by so fast; people go in and out of
your life. You must never miss the opportunity to tell these people how much
they mean to you.”
9. “Defeat may test you; it need not stop you. If
at first you don’t succeed, try another way. For every obstacle there is a
solution. Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. The greatest
mistake is giving up.”
10. “If you cannot help worrying, remember that
worrying cannot help you.”
A few bonus quotes, because I just can’t help
myself:
** “Life can either be accepted or changed. If it
is not accepted, it must be changed. If it cannot be changed, then it must be
accepted.”
**”To reach a great height, a person needs to
have great depth.”
**”You have to do what others won’t. To achieve
what others don’t.”
**”Tears are words the heart can’t express.”
**”If you cannot help worrying, remember that
worrying cannot help you either. Today is the tomorrow you worried about
yesterday. If you worry you die, if you don’t worry you die, so why worry?”
**”Everything will be alright in the end, and if
it’s not, it’s not the end.”
This is an awesome post from an awesome lady. Michelle is a former Neuropsychologist turned chronic illness sufferer and health advocate. She is awe inspiring, more than funny, has a wealth of information and is a terrific writer. She puts into words what many of us feel in such an eloquent way.
A young patient presents at your ER/clinic/rooms, with unexplained symptoms of
chest pain and fainting.
What is you first response?
I'd hope that you'd investigate.
I'd hope that you would take it seriously.
I'd hope that you'd reassure your patient that you believe them, and will do
your best to help them.
But sadly, this response seems to be the exception, and not the rule.
"You're just anxious."
"You're just depressed."
"You're too young for [insert illness of choice]."
"You just need to get out more."
"You're wasting our time."
This is what far too many patients encounter.
Do you know that your response in that moment can influence that patient's
relationship with the medical system for years to come?
Do you know that your response can make or break that person's sense of self?
Do you know we come to you because we are scared?
Do you know we come to you because we trust that you can help us?
Do you know that you can crush that trust with an uncaring word or flippant
attitude?
Do you know that rare, doesn't mean non-existent?
Do you know the tears we cry and anger we feel when we are casually and
sometimes callously dismissed because you could not find the problem after some
basic bloods and a quick check of our vitals?
Do you know how we second guess ourselves and avoid seeking medical care in the
years to come because maybe you are right, and it is in our heads?
Do you know we now no longer trust the medical system because you, the expert,
you who we imbue with hope and power, told us we were crazy or wasting their
time?
Do you know many will fail to get the treatment they need because you made them
feel like a hypochondriac?
Do you know many will lose jobs, relationships, lives, because they will no
longer seek care for their symptoms for fear of dismissal or ridicule?
Do you know that even when we find a doctor who can put the pieces together, we
are hampered by that one exchange we had with you?
Do you know that we mistrust the compassion and understanding we receive from
that doctor because our trust was dashed by your indifference and disregard?
Do you know that we will spend years trying to overcome the damage you created
in that one exchange?
Do you realise the power you have?
We come to you scared.
We come to you with trust.
We come to you with hope.
We want to believe.
We want to feel better.
You may not understand our condition.
You may be frustrated by a lack of clear results.
You may be overworked and tired.
But do not forget your power.
Do not forget that you promised to first do no harm.
Do not forget you are dealing with a person, not a bed number.
Do not forget that in that moment we are vulnerable.
A kind word.
Genuine concern.
A simple admission that you don't know.
Will build trust.
Will build hope.
See us as people.
See that there are real world, long-term consequences to how you interact with
those who seek your care.
You have the power to make or break a person's entire experience with the
medical system.
Remember that before you speak with your next patient and use your power well.
(I've
woken up to a bunch of emails asking if people can print this post out and give
to their local doctors, hospitals, medical schools etc. Rather than reply to all
and because I am time and energy poor at the moment, the answer is YES feel free
to copy and share. All I ask is that there is a link back to the blog URL and
authorship noted.)
I wanted to give a ginormous shout out to my Big
Handsome. Let
me just tell you that my Big Handsome has been my lifesaver.
A
bit of our background: I was just out of high school when I met Big Handsome
through one of my older brothers at a Youth for Christ youth group. I had been
going to the group most of my high school years. Big Handsome was a few years
older than me and in college locally. I’ll
never forget the day I laid eyes on him. I was in my girlfriend’s car getting
ready to leave and in the rearview mirror I saw a little red truck pull into
the parking lot. I had never seen the truck before and was intrigued as to who
this new-comer was. Then I saw the most beautiful male specimen (in my opinion)
climb out and walk toward my brother. He was wearing a tight blue and white
pullover and a pair of stone washed Edwin® jeans (it was the 80’s after all). I
told my friend, “Pull back in, and let’s see who he is!” I jumped out of the
car and did my best impression of a nonchalant run/walk over to my brother. My
brother introduced us and immediately, the cat got my tongue! I muttered a shy,
quick hello as I stood there mesmerized by the most incredible smile complete
with a perfect set of pearly white teeth. I was lost in his smoldering, bedroom
sea-green eyes. His set of pecs weren’t so bad either (I’m just now realizing
that I’m not writing a romance novel J ). From then on my friend and I nicknamed
him The Model. Let me tell you, I wasn’t the only female that night drawn to
him either. He was the proverbial “chick-magnet”. I thought to myself, I’ll
never have a chance with him as I stood there watching all the other girls
swoon over him. But, the Lord had something else in mind. I
also had something the other girls didn’t have, a brother with whom The Model was
friends. Over the next several months we became fast friends. We would
talk for long periods of time and he was at our house a lot, first to see my
brother, then slowly to see me (that was my hope anyway). That was 25 years ago… Fast
forward to present: As most of you know by now he is tall, dark and oh, so
handsome, so much so that every time I see him I still get butterflies. He is
also my best friend, lover, soul mate and someone I would lay my life down for.
We have been married 21 glorious years (ok, maybe some not so glorious, but who
doesn’t experience that at some point?), and have been together 25+. He has
taught me the true meaning of loving someone “in sickness and in health”. Over
the years, he has taught me that love is not a feeling; it’s an act of your
will. He has chosen to love me, all of me (illness included), and tells me
often that he wouldn’t want it (our lives) any other way. It is so wonderful to
love, be loved, but is such a blessing to also be “in love”. He
has been with me through it all: the doctor’s appointments (and there have been
many), the turmoil, the depression, the life altering anxiety, the victories,
the “I’m done” phase, the crying, kicking, screaming, throwing myself on the
bed, the “why me” phase…like I said, through it all. He has taken over the
grocery shopping, meal planning, cooking, taking/picking up kids from various
functions, running bunches of errands, putting up with me (which in and of
itself is quite the job, see above) and all of this on top of having his own
health issues as well as a very demanding, stressful job that keeps him on call
for what seems like, 24/7/365. He is, for all intents and purposes, my Superman. We
were watching the movie “Touchback” the other night. If you haven’t had the
chance to watch it, try to watch it. It is one of those tear jerker, emotional,
inspirational type movies. There is a song at the end called “Nothing Without
You” by Phil Vassar. This has now become our new song. Big Handsome plays it
every chance he gets and even sent me some of the lyrics in his daily love
letter to me this morning (yes, he sends me little love letter emails every
morning; one of the reasons I get out of bed each day). He
is by no means perfect (even he will tell you), but one thing’s for sure, he’s
perfect for me. My
hope and prayer for our children is that they find a husband/wife that is half
the person my Big Handsome is. So…here’s
to you my Big Handsome J Thank you for your love and devotion, for your integrity,
your work ethic, your positive attitude, your chivalry, for your example to our
children of what a great husband looks and acts like, and most of all for
loving me through everything. You are my hero and I’m nothing without you.
P.S.
Just told Big Handsome that I was doing a shout out to him on my blog. His
response, “Better than being shouted at!” I just gotta love my Big Handsome J
As some of you might know, I love, love, LOVE
Pandora, so here is my Top Ten for this Tuesday:
Top
Ten List of Pandora Channels as Seen on my List as of Right Now:
1. Spiritual Waterfalls Radio: I looked up
“nature music” and came up with this channel. I usually listen to it in the wee
hours of the morning while trying to relax and fall asleep.
2. Amazing Grace [Instrumental] Radio: Again, I
usually listen to this in the early morning hours while I’m trying to relax and
fall asleep. It helps me to know that my Lord is always looking out for me.
3. Loepold Mozart Radio: I love classical music,
I can’t help it.
4. Yo Yo Ma Radio: I happen to really enjoy the
cello. Even my son (15) said the other day when we heard the cello on the tv,
“I like to listen to the cello when I need to relax.” Wow, who knew??
5. Bagpipes Radio: A shout out to my Big
Handsome’s heritage.
6. Indian Vibes Radio: Seriously, who can resist
the sound of a sitar???
7. Tibetan Monks Radio: I can see a pattern here,
can you? I’m in constant need of relaxation it seems. Who wouldn’t I guess, if
you’re trying to calm yourself after a spike in heart rate?
8. Evanescence Radio: I listen to this station
while I’m out on my covered porch working on my blog and/or surfing the web.
This station is one of my favorites because it has a bunch of other groups
like: The Fray, Hoobastank, Daughtry, The Goo Goo Dolls, The Script, One
Republic, and so many more J
9.Taylor Swift Radio: Yes, I’m a country girl at
heart. I so enjoy listening to ballads about lost loves, cheatin’ hearts, blah,
blah, blah…
10. Zac Brown Band Radio: Again with the country.
Who doesn’t like a song about their toes in the water and their ass in the sand
with a beer in hand? If it were up to Big Handsome and me, that’s where our
toes and asses would be all the time and we’d have a beer in our hand!!
It seems as though this list is fairly well
rounded, I would say. I guess I should explore more of Pandora to see what else
I like.
Top Ten Tuesdays have once again sneaked up on
me. UGH!! Will I ever catch up?? That is the question. I can only do what I can
when I can.
Last week I wrote a letter to POTS telling it
exactly how I felt. Much of it was negative as that has been most of my
experiences living with this dreaded disorder. There have been, however some
positive aspects to having/dealing with chronic illness. Thus, my Top Ten
Tuesday list will be about things I have gained and learned along this tumultuous
journey of living with POTS. Here they are in no particular order:
Top
Ten Things I’ve Learned through This Illness
1. I have learned that not all doctors are
idiots. Yes, you heard/read correctly. Even though there are many out there
that I have had negative experiences with, there are those that attempt to
listen and help.
2. I have had to learn patience. Patience is a
virtue I have never really possessed, however in these last few years I have
had to learn that it is easier and healthier to be patient than it is to be
worried and aggravated.
3. I have learned that I am a stronger person
having had to deal with the ups and downs of this illness.
4. I have learned the meaning of true love and
being in love through the selfless acts of my Big Handsome. He has shown me
what “in sickness and in health” really means.
5. I have learned to cherish the little things.
Sometimes the little things are all I get these days and I have to cling to
them.
6. I have a renewed relationship with my Savior.
I shudder to think where that relationship would be had I not been diagnosed.
7. I have learned the need to rely on Him daily
and am better for it. He will never leave me nor forsake me.
8. I have learned that it is important to be one’s
own advocate. No one is going to do the work for me.
9. I have learned that while I can’t control my
physical situation, I can control the way that I react and respond to my
illness.
10. I have learned that I have the ability to
choose happiness.
Bonus: I have learned that though sometimes I
might be helpless, I am NEVER hopeless J
I recently read on a forum about writing a
letter to one’s chronic illness, in my case POTS. WOW, what an idea!
I’ve wanted to write a strongly worded letter to someone for some time
now; why not write one to my chronic illness? I have so much to say; here’s my
chance. Buckle down; this might be a long one…
The other day I was driving and the song My Immortal by Evanescence came on the
radio. As I was listening to the lyrics, I began thinking of my letter to POTS.
This song strongly resonates with my feelings towards POTS.
So…here goes my strongly worded letter, albeit
not as strongly worded as I would like it to be; I feel I must maintain some
semblance of self-control. On second thought, maybe I will just say what’s on
my mind. This is my blog, is it not? I can write anything I want and I really
want POTS to know exactly how I feel.
Dear you cranky-ass pile of @%&*$*%^$*!!,
I
really hope you are having a crappy day, because if your day is going well,
that would mean that mine is not. Most days you seem to revel in my
desperation. That’s just not nice…at all. I’m tired of you running and ruining
my life. I guess I should really say that I’m tired of allowing you to run and
ruin my life. I don’t really have a choice in the matter though and that’s the
sucky part.
I’ve
given up so much for you. My family has suffered so because of you. You’ve
taken away my ability to do so much. Why can’t you just allow my heart to beat
normally, not too slow, not too fast, you know just right (kinda like
Goldilocks)? Enough with the anxiety already too! It’s bad enough on a normal
day, but you have to go and totally screw with my anxiety so much so that the
littlest thing completely sends me into a tailspin. You can’t just leave my
emotions alone either; at times I can’t even get through a supermarket
commercial without breaking down into tears. Clearly you get some sort of
pleasure out of me having to do laundry and clean my sheets from all the night
sweats you put me through too. Seriously, how much can one person take?? While I
appreciate a little bit of weight loss, clearly you are out of control. Could
you just for one day lay off and let me have an appetite, maybe even enjoy a
meal without wanting to hurl?
Do you honestly think that anyone enjoys the
feeling of not wanting to do anything? If you think that I like having people
tell me that maybe I should exercise more, maybe I should get out more, maybe I
should eat better or stop my bad habits, you’ve got another thing coming. No
one likes to hear these remarks. They are insensitive and hurtful and it’s all
because of you. I’m really quite pissed off at you, however I guess as Big
Handsome always likes to say, “better to be pissed off than pissed on”.
You
are like a car that makes annoying ticking noises for days on end, but when the
car is taken to the mechanic, the incessant noise is nowhere to be heard. It’s
akin to having all these symptoms and when I finally get to the doctor, you
seem to mysteriously disappear only to leave me holding the proverbial bag. By the way, do you think I like spending an
inordinate amount of time on the toilet because I’ve been told to drink more
water, which by the way, doesn’t even help me all that much? Every time I go
out (which isn’t that often, thanks to you), the first thing I have to do is scope
out where the restrooms are located; yeah, not the makings for spontaneity.
It
would be nice to have friends, but noooo you’re not just satisfied with turning
my whole world upside down, you’ve got to take my friends as well. Who wants to
be around someone that might keel over any minute, or with someone that might
need them to call 911 at a moment’s notice? Most people don’t want to get
involved, and get it for once; most people just don’t want to be around sick
people. I know I don’t!!
Could
you cut out the tinnitus by any chance? I mean really, this constant ringing in
my ears is enough to make a sane person go crazy! If I’ve said it once, I’ve
said it a million times, if the tinnitus is going to stick around, isn’t there
a way to have it play Tchaikovsky
or at the very least some songs from The Fray or Nickelback; I’ll even take The
Goo Goo Dolls? And what’s up with my eyesight going to pot? Now, I need reading
glasses which isn’t all that bad if that was the only thing I had to worry
about. The constant protozoa-type organism thingies that are floating all over
my field of vision are a little much, don’t you think? Seriously, sometimes it is
rather calming to watch them float by, but I’m sure I can come up with many
other exciting ways to spend my time. You are putting a serious damper on my
life.
In
order to get you to fully understand how I feel (if I haven’t expressed enough
already), I’m going to relate you to the song “My Immortal” by Evanescence. I’m
sure there is some reason behind these song lyrics, but I love that people are all individual and thus have varied perceptions and interpretations; it's what makes everyone so unique. This song (at least the first
part) seems to fit my situation with you. Many people have love-hate
relationships. Just so you know, my relationship with you is definitely
hate-hate.
Back
to the song…”I’m
so tired of being here”, I am just so tired of being in this
situation with you, and you never seem to let up. There never seems to be a day
that goes by that I’m not reminded of you, some way, somehow. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. “Suppressed by all my
childish fears”, forget childish fears; how about every fear in the
book? You cause me to fear everything. I fear the unknown. I have fear of dying
and leaving my family behind. I fear that I will never be rid of you and able
to lead a half-way normal life. I fear the fear, and it’s all because of you.
Why can’t you just leave me alone already!?! “I wish that you would just leave”,
oh, how I wish you would just leave. You know the saying “you don’t miss
something until it’s gone”? Well, guess what? Newsflash! You can leave anytime
you want and please don’t feel the need to return on my account, ever again. By
the way, don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. “Your presence still
lingers here and it won’t leave me alone”, please, just leave
already! I really don’t know how much more plainly this can be put. I don’t
want you here, I never wanted you here. I still don’t know why you’re here. “These wounds won’t
seem to heal, this pain is just too real, there’s just too much that time
cannot erase”, every time I try to understand you and to work with
you, you just laugh in my face and throw another wrench into my world. Not to
mention that doctors look at me like I’m crazy, like they’ve never encountered
a person with a bazillion symptoms that don’t seem to point to anything in
particular so they slapped me with the diagnosis of you. "When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears. When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears. And I held your hand through all of these years, but you still have all of me", I've been there with you through it all (not by choice, mind you) and you still have me. I don't want you to still have me. I have so much to give and I really don't want to continue to waste it on you. My family and I deserve more. "I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone, but though you're still with me, I've been alone all along."
The pain you’ve put me
through, emotional, physical, mental and spiritual is enough to do anyone in.
Well guess what? I’ve got news for you! YOU CAN’T HAVE ME!!! I won’t let you.
You might knock me down for a few hours, a few days, a few months, even a few
years, but I’ve still got some fight in me and like a mama bear to her cubs, I
am willing to fight you to the death…your death that is.
In the words of Liam Neeson from the movie Taken (with a few adjustments):
“I [do] know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If
you are looking for ransom I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do
have are a very particular set of skills. [Internet skills] I have acquired over a very [short
time]. Skills that make me a nightmare for [things] like you. If you let [me]
go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you; I will not pursue
you. But if you don’t, I will look for you; I will find you, and I will [get
rid of] you.
Heed my warning!! Be afraid, be very afraid!! I
will find out your reasons for invading my life and I will find a way to defeat
you, not only for my sake, but for the sake of my family as well.
You’re an A$$,
~Never Hopeless…so there!
P.S. Believe me, I have so much more to
say to you. I didn’t even mention the migraines, constant headaches, general
malaise, sensitivity to medications, the fact that I even have to be on
medications in the first place, the fluctuations in blood pressure, not being
able to do what I want, when I want; oh, I could go on and on and on, but as
usual, you have totally exhausted me again…
I don’t really have a Top Ten List for this
Tuesday unless anyone wants to know what is on my grocery list. I suppose I
could list my blood pressure and heart rate readings, but that might be a bit
boring. I could list all the doctors and their idiotic suggestions I've been to and received over the years, but been there, done that. I could list all the things I hope to accomplish, but that would
probably just set me up for failure. Quite frankly, I’m just happy to have
accomplished brushing my teeth this morning.
I could list the beginnings of a bucket list, but
as above, that just might set me up for failure and I really don’t need any of
that. I could list my blessings, although thankfully that list would far
surpass just ten. I could list some of the love letters Big Handsome sends to
me each morning, but those are quite personal and I wouldn’t want anyone to get
jealous, or barf as my good friend always tells me she wants to do when I tell
her how wonderful Big Handsome is to me J.
I could list all the “but” statements I just
typed, but I’ve already done that, they are just not in list form.
Not feelin’ the whole list thing this morning. I
need to work on my lists and try to compile a list of lists so that I have
something to write about on Tuesdays.
