Okay, am I the only person on this earth that
absolutely abhors summertime? I don’t mean the heat either. I mean the endless
days with nothing to do. Of course there are a zillion things I could be doing,
but what’s the point really? I’m fairly housebound and cleaning something
really isn’t on the top of my priority list at this moment in time. I’m lucky
to shower every day; that can be considered cleaning…right?? I feel like a prisoner in my own home!
During the school year, since I home school my
two teens, there is always plenty to do. Lesson plans, helping with schoolwork,
keeping the kids in line, record keeping and such continue to keep the kids and
I quite busy. Albeit, they can’t even really participate in outside activities
as I can’t guarantee that I’ll be able to drive them to and from.
Plus this year I have committed to teaching in
two home school co-ops (I know, I must’ve been on too much medication at the
time!) I will be teaching Art Appreciation to high school homeschoolers in the spring,
but I need to begin preparing now; I just wish I had the motivation. These
classes are to be counted for .5 credits for high school graduation (no
pressure). The thing is, is that I create these classes from scratch. I can’t
even count all the hours I put into the planning. I also committed to teaching
Chemistry to high school homeschoolers. The only good part about this one is
that there are five other moms involved and we only really have to teach 4
chapters a piece.
Anyhoo, back to summertime, and well, life
itself. I just feel so guilty when summertime comes around, since I don’t drive
and can’t be one of those mothers that take their children here and there and
everywhere during the summer break. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a firm believer
that children don’t need to be entertained every second of every day, but when
I have a teen son who plays video games for so many hours on end that I worry
he’s going to get a blood clot, something’s gotta give. I just don’t know what
or how to go about it.
Is it so totally sad that my dreams consist of my
“old life”? Where I was one of those annoying loving moms that took their kids to
museums, the theatre, movies, aquatic center, bird sanctuaries, the zoo, to
play dates, etc. These days, my kids wake when they want, just because I don’t
have the energy to go in and wake them. What for anyway? Am I going to wake
them up so they can do nothing all day??? It’s such a struggle every morning to
get my own lazy ass out of bed and for what, because the dishes need to be
done, or laundry has to be thrown in? I used to be one of those moms that got
up early, had my coffee and actually cooked a well balanced meal for breakfast
before we set off on some new adventure. Now, I feel like a heap of useless
skin. No direction, no motivation, no care, nothing, just nothing.
Obviously, I’m one of those people that can’t see
the forest for the trees. All I see is one big ass tree that I can’t seem to
get around. Now I’m thinking of that silly child’s song I used to sing to my
children about the bear in the forest…can’t go under it, can’t go around it,
guess I’ll have to go over it, or however it goes. Well, it seems as though
I’ve been climbing and climbing and climbing and just can’t seem to get over
it. I’m not one of those people that think that if it doesn’t kill you, it only
makes you stronger. If that were the case, I could probably win the World’s
Strongest Woman award many times over, and if Kelly Clarkson were in my living
room, I think I’d have to punch her in the throat. As far as spoons go, I have
none; I seem to have lost every friggin’ spoon I ever had. I wish I knew where
to go to get some more.
And people around me just DON’T GET IT!!! I feel
like complete caca when I see people on FB, “friends” of mine are getting
together for a day at the beach, or going here or there. Do I get an invite?
Hell no, why, you ask? Probably because they know that I’ll probably say no
anyway, because I don’t drive that much. It sure would be kinda nice for one of
these “friends” to give a call and say, “Hey, we’re going to so and so and we’d
love for you to come, although if you’re not feeling up to it, I can always
take your kids, I’m sure they’d love to go.” That would be an absolute Godsend.
Is that terribly selfish of me??? I’d like to think that if I had a friend that
was homebound with two antsy kids that would love to see the outside world
every once in a while that I would so be willing to pick those kids up so that
they wouldn’t feel so isolated, but maybe that’s just me.
I seriously want off this ride!
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