Fantasy Doctor Appointment

If I could have a fantasy doctor’s appointment, it might go something like this:

Invite a doctor over to my house. I have quite a nice screened in back porch. It’s the perfect place with a great outdoor atmosphere, complete with rather a nice breeze as well as the twittering of various birds and the sounds of the pool waterfall in the background. I say the back porch as my house has been so neglected over the years; I’m down to just spot cleaning at this point and wouldn’t want to be embarrassed. Of course, the current state of my house is the least of my worries at this time.

He/she must be well versed in POTS, cardiovascular systems, ANS systems, etc., and have a voracious tenacity for getting to the bottom of things. I want him/her to have a willingness to go the distance with me and my health. Compassion is a must. Treating just the symptoms is not an option at this time. Having a fascination with medical mysteries would be a plus.  Treating me as they would treat their own spouse, child, brother, sister, mother or father would be optimal.

Maybe he/she could sing the first part of “Comfortably Numb” by Pink Floyd to me over coffee (careful not to serve too much coffee, God forbid he/she has to use the restroom while here-see above remark about lack of cleaning) to get things off to a good start:

Hello,

Is there anybody in there?

Just nod if you can hear me

Is there anyone home?

 

Come on

Now

I hear you're feeling down

I can ease your pain

Get you on your feet again

 

After hearing the first two verses, I would scream, “YES, there is someone in here!!” I would vigorously nod possibly making myself dizzy in the process, take another sip of coffee and pray that they could get me on my feet again. I would express that I do not wish to become comfortably numb per se, because that would just lead them to the whole treating symptoms thing that I’m not crazy about in the first place, besides I’m pretty much numb already, thus the reason for their presence in the first place.

I would want them to be relaxed and not in a hurry. Part of the reason this meeting would take place at my home, on my back porch. This way, they wouldn’t be worried about the dozen or so people waiting for them in their cramped little waiting room at the office. I would want them to be comfortable and as open and honest with me as I would be with them. I would hope that in their training to become a physician they didn’t skip class on the day that bedside manner was being taught. I would definitely want this person to have the unique ability to think outside the box, to be able to treat patients as individuals with varying “normals”.  I would love it if this doctor had appreciation and an understanding that I know my own body; I know when something isn’t right. Ixnay on the whole “God” complex while I’m at it. And, if there is a chip anywhere, he/she can feel free to leave it at the door.

I would want this doctor to allow me to start at the beginning. Refraining from asking me what my worst symptom is would be prodigious. It would be a welcome reprieve if he/she had a pen and paper (I would even provide this) to write down any pertinent or ear catching issues, symptoms or anomalies. I might even be inclined to search out and provide some sort of recording device in the event that my story would cause them sleepless nights pondering my health and coming up with a foreseeable plan of attack. They would patiently sit and peruse and even read some of my “health notebook” that I painstakingly put together just for their viewing. Perhaps he/she could compare and contrast my labs. Here's an idea, maybe even actually read my chart of symptoms and their frequency.

I would even entertain the very notion of an attempt to appease me, giving some semblance of peace of mind by testing for various things. If the test is positive, then a treatment plan can be proposed. If negative, then at least the issue can be ruled out. I understand about insurance and whatnot and certainly I don't want tests done that aren't necessary (obviously if my big toe hurts, there is no need for a brain scan), but if there is even a possibility...then why not do further testing? An example of what I don't want would be: The doctor last week looking at me (after I suggested an ANA test to rule out autoimmune issues) and saying, "I can tell just by looking at you that you don't have autoimmune issues." I felt like replying with, "I had no idea that x-ray vision was part of your credentials."

I would be ecstatic if they were to have questions about anything, and rest assured I could point them to some sort of medical journal article about it in my notebook. During my fantasy appointment, I would hear nary a comment of this all being in my head. I would not hear the words, “You’ll just have to live with it.”  or "Drink more water, eat more salt and go live a normal life." unless they were looking to get kicked in the throat.

 

I would so enjoy a response of, “Well, I see you are having a time and not able to live life to the fullest. No one should have to be limited in their quest to wake each morning refreshed and rejuvenated. I speak for all the doctors when I say, I am terribly sorry for your past treatment, and I will certainly spend many of my waking moments trying to get to the bottom of your illness so that we can get you treated properly and well on your way to recovery.” Thus, of course, sparing his/her throat.

 

In return, and in addition to the coffee and scones of course, I will listen intently to what the doctor has to offer. I will realize that he/she is only human. I will be humbled by their expertise and more than willing to do my part in finding a better quality of life. I will then refer he/she to the masses that suffer with chronic illness daily.

If anyone has any knowledge of a doctor that is willing to sit down and have some coffee, maybe even a scone or two and discuss health issues, please feel free to pass my information along.