My Beloved Ma

Yesterday, September 14^th, marked one year since my beloved mother left this earth at the age of 68. I still cannot fathom that she is gone. When I think of her, I still think of her in her chair in her living room, draped in her prayer blanket, handmade by the ladies in her church, watching TV. Of course I try not to remember the myriad attachments she had, like the oxygen machine, her feeding tube, and all the health paraphernalia she had on the table beside her.

I try not to remember the tired look in her eyes, the effort that was expended when she would use her walker to walk one lap around the kitchen, or her labored breathing due to only having one lung. I don’t like to think on these things, but it is so hard as she was sick for so long. I try not to dwell on what was supposed to be a routine hiatal hernia surgery gone terribly awry on April 22, 2005.

I try not to focus on the proximal distance between us because she and my father lived halfway across the country. I don’t want to think about the coulda’s, woulda’s and shoulda’s.

Instead, I shall celebrate her life and the joy that she brought to my life, my husband’s and my children’s.

She was an awesome mom; she was “Ma” to me. My Ma was not only my mother; she was my friend, my confidant, my protector, my cheerleader and so much more.

My Ma loved her husband, my father for 50+ years. She loved her four children. She loved her daughter’s-in-law and her son’s-in-law.  She loved each and every one of her 13 grandchildren. She loved to brag about all of our achievements, and she was always there to cheer us on when we stumbled.

My ma was the one I always went to when I had a question about anything from flowers to recipes to remedies. She was my go-to gal. I could always count on her. I find it such a shame that she missed the whole iPhone, FB, Skype, YouTube, Pinterest etc. era. She would’ve loved it all.

I wish I could have FB’d with her, and I would have on a daily basis. I would have loved to share a funny video via YouTube with her just to hear her contagious laugh. I would have loved to Skype with her so that I could see her beautiful smile. I know if she could have Pinterested, she would have had a bazillion boards.

My Ma was a beautiful soul. I miss her daily. I think of her often. I miss her affirmations of love. I would love to hear her refer to me as “a neat kid” one more time.

Excerpt from my dad’s thoughts about yesterday…beautifully articulated:

“To my dear sweet gentle bride how I have missed you this past year.

I can’t believe that it has been a year since you left this life. It seems like yesterday when you asked us to gather around your bed for one last time. This wasn’t the first time we would come from out of town prepared for the worst but still praying for the best.

Over seven and a half years of recuperation this scenario was repeated several times. But, this time you lowered your head slightly and wrinkled your brow a little as you gave a stern look in our direction, as if you were about to scold us, as only a mother could do. You pointed to each one of us and made us promise to look after each other when you were no longer there to watch over us and protect us. That very moment we all did take up that solemn promise to you and agreed to do as you asked. Now, it is up to each of us to individually search our hearts and know whether or not we have kept that promise!

You are sorely missed by those lives you touched and by all who knew you and loved you. But, none more than the one whom you built a life with. A life of thousands of thoughts, plans, events and dreams that we knit together with each other growing and building that life. Hardly a day goes by that my memory doesn’t dig deep into the past and somehow recall one of those many thousands of something’s that we shared together over those fifty years we were together.

I praise God for that life he gave to us. May God forever rest your soul. I love you sweetie.”

I praise God for my mother’s and father’s testimony of love and devotion. I will always miss my Ma, but it will be with the fondest of memories. May her beloved soul rest in the peace of Jesus today and always.