Top Ten Tuesdays (Yes, I Realize It's Wednesday)



Well, I’m off the ball yet again, surprise, surprise. I wasn’t able to post my Top Ten Tuesdays yesterday, so I’m doing it today and there aren’t even 10. I thought about calling it Wop Wen Wednesdays, but decided against it. Maybe I should call it Top Eight Somethingorother, but that just sounds corny.

So much has been going on around here including, but not limited to, health issues all around, crashed computer, new computer won’t fit old digital camera card, having a time of figuring out new system on said computer, blah, blah, blah.

I wanted to share with you my newest hobby. Sharpie pens are my new best friend. I don’t consider myself all that creative, but have found that I love to draw whimsical trees…go figure. I also place biblical verses that have spoken to me over the years of my illness within the branches. It is quite relaxing for me and I can take my book and pens with me everywhere, like to the hospital while I wait anxiously for Beauty Queen to get her cardiac MRI/MRA, or with Big Handsome while I wait for him to get his noggin scanned, and even if I'm just sittin' around the house contemplating just how much more screwed up the universe can make my life.

When I’m feeling especially anxious, and providing my brain is cooperating with my eyes and hands at that particular moment, I have found that drawing really helps me to relax. I love that I can go back to these special verses that have helped me in the past to quell my spaziness.

So here’s my Top Ten Tuesdays being posted on Wednesday and don’t even consist of 10 items. UGH, I think I need a nap for about the next 10 years; someone please wake me when Big Handsome is back to normal, Beauty Queen is feeling better and a cure for POTS has been found.

Hope you enjoy. Let me know in the comments what types of things you do to relax while dealing with chronic illness.

P.S. Sorry for the lack of photography skill...

“Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all you who hope in the Lord.” ~Psalm 31:24

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” ~Romans 12:12

“Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.” ~2 Thessalonians 3:16

“The Lord is good to those who wait for Him…” ~Lamentations 3:25

“The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.” ~Proverbs 18:10

 

“I have set the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.” ~Psalm 16:8

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” ~Matthew 11:28-29

 

Still in the works…



Semi Update

Well…I have a partial update on the goings on around here. Seems my household has been inundated with medical issues as of late, and surprisingly enough, they aren’t mine. Mine have had to be put on the back burner, since I have to gear up all my energies to help take care of Big Handsome and our Beauty Queen, aka-teenage daughter.

I haven’t been on the blog for a bit as I’ve been to the hospital on three separate occasions for testing with Big Handsome and Beauty Queen as well as various doctor’s appointments. It’s quite the different story when it is your loved ones and not you. I would so gladly take their place, if I could, so they wouldn’t have to go through it at all.

First, Big Handsome. He’s my American Express card-I never leave home without him. He’s also like the Energizer Bunny…he just keeps going, and going, and going. I really don’t know how he does it. I wish I could harness his resolve and perseverance.

Life was just goin’ along and then, BAM, a few weeks ago I come out to the patio for my coffee to see my Big Handsome lazily stretched out on the couch trying to muster up the motivation to work out (I don’t even know what that feels like, not to mention, in 25 years, I never knew Big Handsome could even do lazy!) Anywho, Big Handsome has a strict workout schedule, that’s why I knew something was up the moment I came out to see him sprawled on the couch. Big Handsome doesn’t “sprawl”.

When I come out on the weekends, usually around 8:30-9:00am, Big Handsome has been up since 5am (or before), has completed some work on his computer for the office, has drank about a pot of coffee, worked out and has begun to clean the pool. This particular Sunday, I came out to him sprawled on the couch…my first thought was WTH? Do I see an ER visit in the near future? I have to tell you that we avoid the ER like to plague. We are not the type to go for any ol’ willy nilly thing, but to see Big Handsome sprawled…I have to admit, I was instantly worried.

He told me that he just didn’t “feel right”; he couldn’t really explain it. Finally, I did some Q&A on him and got him to at least try to explain what was going on. I asked,  “Are you in pain?” No. “Do you think you are coming down with something?” No “Do you have a fever?” No.  “Do we need to go to the ER or Urgent Care?” Hell no. Ok…what next? He finally was able to tell me that he had pressure in his head, although no headache. He said he felt this pressure around his eyes and ears, but was not in any pain. He expressed that it feels like his body is not catching up with his brain (the infamous brain fog). He told me that his eyes were having a hard time focusing and he wasn’t able to make a smooth transition when looking in one direction and then switching to another. Also, his blood pressure was a bit elevated and basically, he just felt like crap.

I called the doctor and he went in. We’d just had blood work done recently and it all came back wonderfully. He expressed to the doctor what he was feeling and she wrote out some prescriptions for some tests at the hospital. He went in for the tests and even though the radiologists aren’t doctors and can’t really tell you much of anything, both of them told Big Handsome that there didn’t appear to be anything on the scans that looked emergent. Great news. Bad news is that he still feels crappy, still has the pressure and is getting frustrated with not feeling well and not knowing what is going on. Long story short, or maybe it’s too late for that; I’ll make another appointment today to get him in to the doctor to see if we can get to the bottom of things. Big Handsome seems to think it might be a residual ear infection left over from a cold he had some months ago. I sure hope it is nothing serious.

Now on to Beauty Queen. She went in for her routine echocardiogram a few weeks ago and the doctor noticed something that wasn’t right. Something was showing up on the sonogram that had not shown up on the previous ones. She took the case to a Cardio conference at the Children’s Hospital and they suggested more testing. So Beauty Queen was hooked up to  a 30 day Holter Monitor and scheduled for an MRI/MRA and echocardiogram. It was a family affair as we all trekked up to the Hospital together to support our Beauty Queen who was beyond all worry. Thankfully, they were able to give her a sedative, which unfortunately didn’t kick in until thirty minutes into the test. Also, Big Handsome was able to be in the testing room with her; he kept his hand on her head to reassure her he was right there with her. Everything went fine until 15 minutes before the test was to end and she piped up with the need to use the facilities (totally another story, and quite humorous by the way Beauty Queen tells it). Needless to say, she had to hold “it” lest they have to start the whole test over again. Good news is that the cardiologist there told my husband that there didn’t seem to be anything that he saw on the scans that we should be concerned about. It was a long, exhausting day.

Now we just have to wait until we go into see her cardiologist with the final test results.

So, phone calls once again are on tap for me this morning. In fact, gotta go make some now.

This too shall pass, this too shall pass, this too shall pass…

 

Fantasy Doctor Appointment

If I could have a fantasy doctor’s appointment, it might go something like this:

Invite a doctor over to my house. I have quite a nice screened in back porch. It’s the perfect place with a great outdoor atmosphere, complete with rather a nice breeze as well as the twittering of various birds and the sounds of the pool waterfall in the background. I say the back porch as my house has been so neglected over the years; I’m down to just spot cleaning at this point and wouldn’t want to be embarrassed. Of course, the current state of my house is the least of my worries at this time.

He/she must be well versed in POTS, cardiovascular systems, ANS systems, etc., and have a voracious tenacity for getting to the bottom of things. I want him/her to have a willingness to go the distance with me and my health. Compassion is a must. Treating just the symptoms is not an option at this time. Having a fascination with medical mysteries would be a plus.  Treating me as they would treat their own spouse, child, brother, sister, mother or father would be optimal.

Maybe he/she could sing the first part of “Comfortably Numb” by Pink Floyd to me over coffee (careful not to serve too much coffee, God forbid he/she has to use the restroom while here-see above remark about lack of cleaning) to get things off to a good start:

Hello,

Is there anybody in there?

Just nod if you can hear me

Is there anyone home?

 

Come on

Now

I hear you're feeling down

I can ease your pain

Get you on your feet again

 

After hearing the first two verses, I would scream, “YES, there is someone in here!!” I would vigorously nod possibly making myself dizzy in the process, take another sip of coffee and pray that they could get me on my feet again. I would express that I do not wish to become comfortably numb per se, because that would just lead them to the whole treating symptoms thing that I’m not crazy about in the first place, besides I’m pretty much numb already, thus the reason for their presence in the first place.

I would want them to be relaxed and not in a hurry. Part of the reason this meeting would take place at my home, on my back porch. This way, they wouldn’t be worried about the dozen or so people waiting for them in their cramped little waiting room at the office. I would want them to be comfortable and as open and honest with me as I would be with them. I would hope that in their training to become a physician they didn’t skip class on the day that bedside manner was being taught. I would definitely want this person to have the unique ability to think outside the box, to be able to treat patients as individuals with varying “normals”.  I would love it if this doctor had appreciation and an understanding that I know my own body; I know when something isn’t right. Ixnay on the whole “God” complex while I’m at it. And, if there is a chip anywhere, he/she can feel free to leave it at the door.

I would want this doctor to allow me to start at the beginning. Refraining from asking me what my worst symptom is would be prodigious. It would be a welcome reprieve if he/she had a pen and paper (I would even provide this) to write down any pertinent or ear catching issues, symptoms or anomalies. I might even be inclined to search out and provide some sort of recording device in the event that my story would cause them sleepless nights pondering my health and coming up with a foreseeable plan of attack. They would patiently sit and peruse and even read some of my “health notebook” that I painstakingly put together just for their viewing. Perhaps he/she could compare and contrast my labs. Here's an idea, maybe even actually read my chart of symptoms and their frequency.

I would even entertain the very notion of an attempt to appease me, giving some semblance of peace of mind by testing for various things. If the test is positive, then a treatment plan can be proposed. If negative, then at least the issue can be ruled out. I understand about insurance and whatnot and certainly I don't want tests done that aren't necessary (obviously if my big toe hurts, there is no need for a brain scan), but if there is even a possibility...then why not do further testing? An example of what I don't want would be: The doctor last week looking at me (after I suggested an ANA test to rule out autoimmune issues) and saying, "I can tell just by looking at you that you don't have autoimmune issues." I felt like replying with, "I had no idea that x-ray vision was part of your credentials."

I would be ecstatic if they were to have questions about anything, and rest assured I could point them to some sort of medical journal article about it in my notebook. During my fantasy appointment, I would hear nary a comment of this all being in my head. I would not hear the words, “You’ll just have to live with it.”  or "Drink more water, eat more salt and go live a normal life." unless they were looking to get kicked in the throat.

 

I would so enjoy a response of, “Well, I see you are having a time and not able to live life to the fullest. No one should have to be limited in their quest to wake each morning refreshed and rejuvenated. I speak for all the doctors when I say, I am terribly sorry for your past treatment, and I will certainly spend many of my waking moments trying to get to the bottom of your illness so that we can get you treated properly and well on your way to recovery.” Thus, of course, sparing his/her throat.

 

In return, and in addition to the coffee and scones of course, I will listen intently to what the doctor has to offer. I will realize that he/she is only human. I will be humbled by their expertise and more than willing to do my part in finding a better quality of life. I will then refer he/she to the masses that suffer with chronic illness daily.

If anyone has any knowledge of a doctor that is willing to sit down and have some coffee, maybe even a scone or two and discuss health issues, please feel free to pass my information along.



Top Ten Tuesdays

Today I’m feeling inspired by others. Here goes my Top Ten for today in no particular order.

Remember: We might seem helpless at times, but we shall never be hopeless!

Top Ten Inspirational Quotes

1. “Knowledge is power.” ~Sir Francis Bacon

2. “Everything will be okay in the end, and if it’s not okay; it’s not the end.”    

     ~Unknown

3. “If God brought you to it, he’ll bring you through it.” ~Unknown

4. “You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.” ~Unknown

5. “Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and  

     stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. Christopher Robin to

     Pooh” ~A.A. Milne

6. “Don’t confuse your path with your destination. Just because it’s stormy now

     doesn’t mean you aren’t headed for sunshine.” ~Unknown

7. “Never, never, never give up.” ~Winston Churchill

8. “If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes.”

    ~St. Clement of Alexandra

9. “Hope is like the sun, which, as we journey toward it, casts the shadow of our

     burden behind us.” ~Samuel Smiles

10. “Constant dripping hollows out a stone.” ~Lucretius

   

When It Rains, It Pours

These last four years have been the most trying years of my life. I really don’t know what I would’ve done if it wasn’t for my faith and my Big Handsome. Lately though, it seems as though we are all just falling apart by the seams health wise.

When it rains, it pours.

(Google Images)

When I think of that saying, my mind conjures up images of the air conditioner busting right in the middle of summer, the power going off while I’m on vacation, only to return home to a fridge/freezer full of spoiled food, or even the dryer breaking down and having to hang my skivvies out to dry for all the neighborhood to see. It’s pretty sad when one wishes these types of problems would happen instead of having to deal with physical health issues.

A few weeks ago, Big Handsome and I took our daughter for her regular cardiology checkup. She is now 16 and we’ve been doing these checkups regularly since she was 3. The checkups are usually every other year, but since I’ve been sick, she hasn’t been in a few years. She was born with a heart murmur. They told me it should close up by the time she was three. Well, that didn’t happen, so she still has the VSD and now on top of that, has a PFO that the dr. noticed when she was 5 or so.

During this last visit though (we were at the office 5 hours, didn’t get home until 10:30pm) the dr. noticed something on the sonogram that concerned her. Honestly, after hearing the words “this could be serious” my mind went blank. Having to stand by your daughter as she attempts to hold back tears of fear (with a heart rate of 101 lying down) is absolutely heartbreaking. The dr. did say that in her experience, it’s probably my daughter’s VSD that is causing the problem. The dr. took my daughter’s case to a cardio conference at the Children’s Hospital and they determined that she needs an MRI and another sonogram; I’m guessing it will be more in depth.

My daughter is now on a 30 day heart monitor, thankfully, no events to date. The stupid electrodes are giving her a terrible rash and we’re having a hard time finding a non-irritated patch of skin in which to stick them. Just this morning, we received pediatric electrodes in the hope that they will be less irritating. Good news is, she hasn’t had any events, and has been feeling fairly well. YAY!

Then…this past weekend, Big Handsome told me he wasn’t feeling well. Couldn’t really describe it (boy, don’t I know how that feels) just said that he felt funky. It took him a good long while before he got up the energy to workout. Big Handsome works out regularly, although that doesn’t mean that he is in tip-top shape health wise. He drinks, he smokes, he has a stressful job, and he has to deal with me (quite possibly the most stressful) and now is dealing with worrying about our dear daughter’s health as well as worrying about one of his best friends/coworker having cancer again and having to go through chemo, among many other things, I’m sure, that he doesn’t even tell me about. How much can one person take?? He ended up taking his blood pressure and it was in the high140’s/high 80’s-90’s. His bp usually runs lower than the normal 120/80 and his hr is always rather low. We were just at our GP recently for a physical and his bp was a bit elevated at 138/high 80’s. He found that odd, but nothing was mentioned during the exam. So now, we are left wondering. He is generally of the mindset, “if you ignore it long enough, it will go away”; I advised him to please not wait on this. We had blood work done just a few days ago and are waiting on the results. Hopefully, he just has some sort of benign virus or infection or something. This has us both worried though. I spoke with him this morning and he says he’s still feeling funky. He still can’t really put his finger on it; he just says that he doesn’t feel right. He might end up going to Urgent Care or something as attempting to make an appointment with the GP quickly is rather pointless.

I really just want to get off this ride. I would gladly take a broken appliance, a flat tire, even my skivvies dangling in the wind for all to see (all occurring on the same day even), but I just don’t think I can handle any more health issues.

I will keep on keeping on, and even though I may feel helpless at times, I am never hopeless.

“Hope is the power of being cheerful in circumstances we know to be desperate.” ~G.K. Chesterton

Top Ten Tuesdays

In the evenings, I usually retire to my room by 9pm. Unfortunately I don’t go there to sleep, not at first anyway. I have a hard time falling asleep, especially with all these crickets in my head (severe tinnitus). I am now in the habit of watching Netflix on my NOOK just about every night. I like to watch benign shows, no murder/mayhem for me, and I don’t particularly enjoy watching movies. I like to watch TV series shows, and I have watched way more in the last two years than I have in the last twenty.  Along with some American series’, I also quite enjoy Australian run’s as well as British shows. So, here’s my list for today’s Top Ten Tuesdays in no particular order:

List of TV Series Shows I Enjoy Watching When I Cannot Sleep:

1. Monarch of the Glen: “Summoned back to his childhood home in the Scottish Highlands, London restaurateur Archie (Alastair Mackenzie) assumes his role as the Laird of Glenbogle and sets out to restore the financially troubled estate back to prominence with help from his family and loyal staff. The final two series of this British drama shift the focus onto Archie's half-brother Paul (Lloyd Owen) and his struggles to modernize the 40,000-acre property.” And...who doesn't want to see a man in a skirt...er, um kilt!! It kills my husband every time I jokingly/lovingly say "skirt" instead of "kilt" because his heritage is Scottish. Now that I think of it, Big Handsome would look fabulous in a skirt...I mean kilt!

2. McLeod’s Daughters: “This empowering hit Australian drama series reunites a pair of long-lost half-sisters who inherit their father's financially troubled farm and hire a staff of hardworking women to help bring it back to life. Although it's been 20 years since Claire (Lisa Chappell) and Tess (Bridie Carter) have seen each other, their reunion is less than rosy. But as the siblings mend fences around the ranch, they repair lingering wounds in each other's hearts.”

3. Dance Academy: “Fifteen-year-old farm-girl Tara Webster has always dreamt of dancing. When she makes it into the best school in the country, her dreams come true but she is far behind in her training, and there's more to surviving the Academy than just dancing.”

4. Brothers and Sisters: “This ABC drama series finds Nora Walker (Sally Field) and her diverse children struggling to deal with long-hidden family skeletons, numerous crises and intriguing secrets after the death of patriarch William Walker (Tom Skerritt). The kids include a conservative talk-show host (Calista Flockhart), two siblings (Rachel Griffiths and Balthazar Getty) running the family business, a war veteran (Dave Annable) and a gay lawyer (Matthew Rhys).”

5. Switched at Birth: ”In this ABC Family drama series, a pair of unsuspecting teens discover they were accidentally switched at birth, setting off a chain reaction of life-altering changes to the families they've always known.”

6. The Secret Life of the American Teenager: “Tackling thorny issues, this TV drama centers on Amy Juergens, whose unplanned pregnancy at age 15 transforms her life. But Amy continues to take her education seriously after the baby is born and pursues a turbulent romance with a classmate.”

7. Grey’s Anatomy: “Ellen Pompeo stars in this Emmy-winning medical drama as Dr. Meredith Grey, a young surgical intern (and eventual resident) who's caught up in a swirl of personal and professional passions with fellow doctors at Seattle Grace Hospital. Patrick Dempsey co-stars as Grey's initial object of obsession, Derek "McDreamy" Shepherd, who doesn't let his marital status stop him from romancing the hospital staff.”

8. Private Practice: “Kate Walsh reprises her "Grey's Anatomy" role as Dr. Addison Montgomery, now practicing at an alternative medicine clinic. Dealing with the clinic's many competing personalities becomes a full-time job as she navigates the world of holistic medicine.”

9. Rosemary and Thyme: “Former constable Laura Thyme and plant pathologist Rosemary Boxer find common ground in catching criminals in this British mystery series. Together, the two investigate a singer's death, a political dispute and more.”

10. How I Met Your Mother: “This sitcom details desperate bachelor Ted's epic search for his soul mate, told through flashbacks as an adult Ted recounts to his kids how he met their mom. As Ted bounces from one red herring to another, his best friends help keep him grounded.”

So many shows…so little time.