These last four years have been the most trying
years of my life. I really don’t know what I would’ve done if it wasn’t for my
faith and my Big Handsome. Lately though, it seems as though we are all just
falling apart by the seams health wise.
When it rains, it pours.
When I think of that saying, my mind conjures up
images of the air conditioner busting right in the middle of summer, the power
going off while I’m on vacation, only to return home to a fridge/freezer full
of spoiled food, or even the dryer breaking down and having to hang my skivvies
out to dry for all the neighborhood to see. It’s pretty sad when one wishes
these types of problems would happen instead of having to deal with physical
health issues.
A few weeks ago, Big Handsome and I took our
daughter for her regular cardiology checkup. She is now 16 and we’ve been doing
these checkups regularly since she was 3. The checkups are usually every other
year, but since I’ve been sick, she hasn’t been in a few years. She was born
with a heart murmur. They told me it should close up by the time she was three.
Well, that didn’t happen, so she still has the VSD and now on top of that, has
a PFO that the dr. noticed when she was 5 or so.
During this last visit though (we were at the
office 5 hours, didn’t get home until 10:30pm) the dr. noticed something on the
sonogram that concerned her. Honestly, after hearing the words “this could be
serious” my mind went blank. Having to stand by your daughter as she attempts
to hold back tears of fear (with a heart rate of 101 lying down) is absolutely
heartbreaking. The dr. did say that in her experience, it’s probably my
daughter’s VSD that is causing the problem. The dr. took my daughter’s case to
a cardio conference at the Children’s Hospital and they determined that she
needs an MRI and another sonogram; I’m guessing it will be more in depth.
My daughter is now on a 30 day heart monitor,
thankfully, no events to date. The stupid electrodes are giving her a terrible
rash and we’re having a hard time finding a non-irritated patch of skin in
which to stick them. Just this morning, we received pediatric electrodes in the
hope that they will be less irritating. Good news is, she hasn’t had any
events, and has been feeling fairly well. YAY!
Then…this past weekend, Big Handsome told me he
wasn’t feeling well. Couldn’t really describe it (boy, don’t I know how that
feels) just said that he felt funky. It took him a good long while before he
got up the energy to workout. Big Handsome works out regularly, although that
doesn’t mean that he is in tip-top shape health wise. He drinks, he smokes, he
has a stressful job, and he has to deal with me (quite possibly the most
stressful) and now is dealing with worrying about our dear daughter’s health as
well as worrying about one of his best friends/coworker having cancer again and
having to go through chemo, among many other things, I’m sure, that he doesn’t
even tell me about. How much can one person take?? He ended up taking his blood
pressure and it was in the high140’s/high 80’s-90’s. His bp usually runs lower
than the normal 120/80 and his hr is always rather low. We were just at our GP
recently for a physical and his bp was a bit elevated at 138/high 80’s. He
found that odd, but nothing was mentioned during the exam. So now, we are left
wondering. He is generally of the mindset, “if you ignore it long enough, it
will go away”; I advised him to please not wait on this. We had blood work done
just a few days ago and are waiting on the results. Hopefully, he just has some
sort of benign virus or infection or something. This has us both worried
though. I spoke with him this morning and he says he’s still feeling funky. He
still can’t really put his finger on it; he just says that he doesn’t feel
right. He might end up going to Urgent Care or something as attempting to make
an appointment with the GP quickly is rather pointless.
I really just want to get off this ride. I would
gladly take a broken appliance, a flat tire, even my skivvies dangling in the
wind for all to see (all occurring on the same day even), but I just don’t
think I can handle any more health issues.
I will keep on keeping on, and even though I may
feel helpless at times, I am never hopeless.
“Hope is the power of being cheerful in
circumstances we know to be desperate.” ~G.K. Chesterton
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