Life happens when you’re busy making plans is
something Big Handsome always says. It is so true at times. Before I got sick,
I was a big-time planner. Practically everything I did had to be planned, still
does to some extent, but I am slowly, painfully learning that life happens when
you’re busy making plans.
When you’re diagnosed with a chronic illness and
your life is turned upside down and basically what you used to do and be seem to
be nonexistent; it makes it kinda hard to plan for anything. Sometimes the
opposite happens and I tend to want to plan everything that is going to happen.
This can be nearly impossible and can really wreak havoc on life in general.
I am basically and pretty much always have been a
control freak. I like to know what is going to happen, when it will be
happening, how long it will take to happen and when it will end. With chronic
illness, those questions almost always go unanswered. This probably stems from
my father who would always have every vacation planned down to our bathroom
breaks (I’m not quite that bad). I’ve had to learn to “go with the flow” which
is NOT easy for me in the least.
We have family members that are quite
spontaneous. It drives me NUTS!! They make plans on the spur of the moment that
include us and I am now finally comfortable to decline most invitations. My
problem comes in the form of resentment when this happens. I guess I’ve always
held to the idea of, “A lack of planning on your part doesn’t constitute and
emergency on my part.” I realize this is a whole other story; I’ll probably
save that for another blog post in the future.
Even still though, I try to control things in my
life. I don’t think this is too crazy, because in the life of a person with
chronic illness, there is so much that we cannot control, I feel the need to
control the few things that I might just have control over.
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