Finding Creative Outlets and other Ramblings

Wow! I can’t believe it’s been almost nine months since my last post. I have been on the rollercoaster of life and I am totally ready to get off.

When I took a break, I took it because I was “living” my illness, instead of just trying to “live” with it. I was just so absorbed in everything that was wrong, that I wasn’t even noticing the things that were right. I mean seriously, folding a load of laundry, in the eyes of a healthy person isn’t a big deal, but in the life of the chronically ill, it’s akin to headline news!

It’s taken me a while, a long while (I’m going on 6 years of being ill) and I still find that I continue to work on discovering my “new normal.” I still have bad days, but I try to focus more on the good days. Sometimes it works, sometimes…not so much.

I’m also now dealing with Big Handsome having a Chronic Illness as well. I guess he didn’t get the memo about the whole “One Chronic Illness per Household,” but that is for a totally separate post.

Over the last nine months (aside from taking care of BH), I’ve tried several hobbies to get my mind off my illness and onto my creativity. Instead of searching the internet and/or FB for illness related sites and groups, I began to search for creative outlets. I discovered and joined many groups to try to tap into my creative juices.

I discovered:

·        Art Journaling

·        Painting

·        Watercolor

·        ICADs (Index Card a Day)

·        Junk Journals

·        Book Binding

·        Altered Books

·        List Journaling

·        Collage

·        Fauxbonichi (Fake-Hobonichi)

·        Traveler’s Notebooks

 

…as well as many more. I found that I enjoy lots of the above, but as of late, I’ve really been enjoying the Fauxbonichi.

 

A Fauxbonichi is a “fake” Hobonichi. A Hobonichi is a Japanese style planner that is used to document your life with pictures and words. Through YouTube, I found a group on FB and jumped right in. I really enjoy doing this type of journaling. I refer to it as an Illustrated Diary.

 

I found through much trial and error over the last nine months what I like and what I don’t like concerning art, more specifically journaling and my art. I found that I really like to journal, but I don’t like the whole “Dear Diary” thing. I found that while I don’t enjoy drawing, I enjoy cutting and pasting pictures from magazines. I found that I can use my creativity in a fun, different way. Everyone has their own special way to “Fauxbonichi,” but that’s what’s so great about it, there are no rules; I just do what feels right, creatively, for me. It’s a way to document my life in a more colorful way. I rarely write about my illness, although sometimes it slips in anyway, whether I like it or not. Mostly, I write, draw, paste, and color my days; what I did, where I went, who did what, what was for dinner, and the like. Sometimes I put in quotes, or Scripture, or original poetry. The group I belong to is a super group filled with all sorts of people from all over the world, from all walks of life, with all levels of talent. They are such a supportive and encouraging group, and I’m so glad I found them.

 

Through my “art journey”, I found that I am most consistent in being inconsistent, but with the illustrated journaling, I feel that I can just be myself, create for myself, and document my memories. It has been such a refreshing change.

Here are some examples:

 

I sincerely hope to be blogging on a regular basis soon. A lot has been going on around here, some good, some bad, but I always try to remember that although I might feel helpless at times, I shall never be hopeless!



Top Ten Tuesdays

10 Things That Have Helped Me Cope With This Illness Over The Last Year

          A Top Ten Tuesday list!! Aha!! I bet y’all thought I’d forget or otherwise not get a list up for today; after all, if there is one thing I’m consistent at, it’s being inconsistent.

          Over the last year or so, I’ve made some changes. They weren't huge changes, but changes just the same and it has made all the difference in the world. Maybe I shouldn’t call them changes, but more like, discoveries. I didn’t make any rash decisions like quitting smoking or enjoying my beer, that would just be cray-cray!!

          So, I figured I’d list the top ten things that have helped me cope with this illness over the past year or so. By the way; do I still have tachy…yes, do I still have anxiety issues…yes, do I still spend an inordinate amount of time on the toilet…um, yes. Do I still have my “in bed all day” days…yes. Do I eat better…no. Do I exercise…no.

Basically, I’ve decided to LIVE my life in spite of this illness, so here goes, in no particular order, well, maybe in some semblance of order:

1.  My Lord and Savior. I’m still not where I should be spiritually and won’t be until I see His face, but I love Him and He loves me, and that’s all that matters.

2.  My Big Handsome and my gems. They have had to live with this illness right along with me and they have been nothing short of heroes in my mind.

3.  Focusing on what’s important. For the first few years, while trying to get a handle on this crazy illness, I would inundate myself with information. I would eat, sleep and live my illness. I read everything I could get my hands on via the internet, not that it’s not important to be informed, but I was getting to an unhealthy level. I would wake in the morning and have charts to fill out, complete with bp and hr readings, whether I slept well, how much I slept, what I ate, how much I ate, whether I exercised, and for how long; the list goes on and on. See where I’m going here?? My life revolved around feeling like $hit and I was documenting every $hitty moment. I was so busy writing and recording everything that was going on with me physically, I was allowing my life to pass me right by. I cannot tell you the last time I took a bp reading. That is not to say that I condone not keeping track of one’s health, but now I have learned to “read” my body and do what it says.

4. Getting involved in Support Groups via FB. When I first started out I was a part of just about every support group I could join. Now, while I’m still a part of some, I focus on two; the two that have helped me the most:  POTSY Paradise: https://www.facebook.com/groups/potsyparadise/.  and Coping With Chronic Illness: https://www.facebook.com/groups/664857806880898/. These two groups have been a godsend to me. They were started by a beautiful woman who has become a cherished friend along the way. As I said, at first, I was part of just about every group out there. What I found out was that some of the groups were not helping, but hindering my journey forward. They were filled with complaining (believe me, I can do my fair share of complaining just see some of my other posts), filled with drama, filled with people that were actually lying about their illness, or lack thereof to obtain sympathy (granted those people needed help for other reasons). With the two above mentioned groups, I have found people that share and care. I have found people that are supportive and encouraging. Most importantly, I have found that I can support and encourage others; that I believe, is so important. The sweet lady that runs the above groups reminds me, on a daily basis, that I am more than my illness, and guess what she’s taught me…I AM MORE THAN MY ILLNESS!! And so is anyone that is reading this post.

5.  In the words of Christopher Robin: “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” At the onset of my illness, I basically became an agoraphobe. I wouldn’t leave the house. I had to call Big Handsome home on more than one occasion, because I was freaking out. I would spend days in bed. My poor Big Handsome was suffering, my gems were suffering, and I was suffering. It took a good, long while for Christopher’s words to sink in. Know what? I am brave, I am strong, and I am smart. I push myself to do more. Back then, I wouldn’t drive, I couldn’t drive; now, I drive…why you ask? Because I must. Life goes on whether I’m sick or not. I can choose to be a part of it, or I can curl up in bed hoping for the day I wake and the illness is gone. Well, this illness isn’t going away anytime soon, so I best just learn to live with it. I best just learn to LIVE.

6.  I’ve been bitten by the “Art Bug”. Last year, I had the opportunity to teach an Art Appreciation class at our homeschool co-op. I kicked myself at first for agreeing to such a task, but it has opened my eyes to so many possibilities. I’ve been scrapbooking again, I’ve been bookbinding again, I’ve been painting again, I’ve been crafting again. What a breath of fresh air, which leads me to the next one on my list.

7.  Joining an Art Journaling FB group. Again, no negativity, no complaining, no drama, just pure support and encouragement. I’m posting pictures of my work and people put the sweetest comments. Trust me, I’m no artist, but I’m trying and I’m having loads of fun, and that is all that matters to me.

8.  I’ve discovered YouTube!! Who knew that if you ever wanted to learn something new, all you have to do is look it up on YouTube! I still have insomnia, but what better way to spend my time than to watch a video on how to bind a book, how to make a junk journal, how to make gelli prints, how to, how to, how to?? Now, if they could only tell me how to keep my house clean and organized…oh, wait, they CAN!! All I have to do is look it up. Alas, I have no time for that, because I’m having too much fun creating art J

9.  Spending time with the family. We have a second home now (I know, first world probz). We go down just about every weekend to enjoy spending time with each other. It’s on the water (via canal) so we have our boat down there waiting each weekend to be taken to the beach across the bay or out to the ocean to fish. Even if we don’t take a boat ride, it’s super cool to just get away for the weekend and enjoy time with the fam. We might go to the flea market, or visit with friends, sometimes we just sit in our breezeway and listen to old time country music and sing along. I’ve learned along the way to enjoy the little things.

10. Being thankful. I’ve learned a lot over the last year or so. So much has happened in my life that I am thankful for. I’ve experienced joy in so many ways. I’ve experienced sadness as well (that’s a whole other post), but I choose not to dwell on all of my limitations.  I have chosen joy and happiness, and you can too! Does this mean that I don’t have bad days…no, I still experience bad days, but I rest up, do what I can, when I can, and wait for the new day to dawn. Tomorrow is always a new day with so many possibilities.

Be well my friends!

Always remember that even though we might feel helpless at times, we shall never be hopeless J

Small Catch Up

Ok...So it's been a while, a LONG while...Life has a way of getting a hold on you, and sometimes you just have to ride the wave. Here are some of the things I've been up to; some happy, some sad, some frustrating:

~  My dad was able to visit us over Christmas. We had a great time down at "Big Handsome's Hideaway" in Key Largo, until the next event happened...

~  My brother passed away on December 29, 2013 suddenly. It was a complete shock to the entire family and "sad" just doesn't do my feelings justice. He lived on the other side of the country and we didn't see each other much at all, in fact the last time I had seen him was the year before when our beloved mother passed away. I wouldn't go to the funeral; I just wasn't ready to say goodbye. I am still not ready.

~  In January, I began teaching my Art Appreciation class that I taught to high school homeschoolers at our Co-op. It was fun and interesting. I'd never taught Art, nor had I ever taught high schoolers.

~  It was Beauty Queen's senior year of high school, so we were quite busy getting everything together, taking SAT, ACT, ordering diploma (which I still haven't done yet), getting senior pictures taken, getting ready for Senior Prom, getting ready for Graduation, and on, and on, and on.

~  Spending weekends at Big Handsome's Hideaway. Big Handsome closing in part of our downstairs breezeway to make a lovely outdoor patio. We are still working on that.

~  Healthwise, I've been doing ok. Since teaching my Art Appreciation class, I've been bitten by the "Art Bug". I've been busy watching all sorts of YouTube videos, making my own art journals, junk journals, painted papers, and generally just experimenting. I try to do art daily. It takes up a lot of my time, but it is something I really enjoy doing and there is something so therapeutic in creating something daily. I've also joined a FB group that is all about art journaling. I absolutely love it and all the talented people that are on there. I get daily inspiration and support from them.

~  I've also tried to keep in touch with my illness sites: Coping with Chronic Illness and POTSY Paradise. The admin is such a lovely lady with such a tender heart and a real gift for support and encouragement. I truly cherish the friendship that we have cultivated over the last year +.

~  Big Handsome has had his own health issues as of late. He began last summer with headaches, pressure, vertigo, dizziness, et al. At first he went to and ENT because we thought it might be sinus related. Well...many appointments, tests, medications, procedures later we found that nothing was helping. He finally went to a Neuro and found through an MRI that he has herniated disks and a host of other issues in his C-Spine area. Two choices are: surgery or pain management. Haven't really done anything about it all as of yet. Plus he spent five days in the hospital recently with another bout of pancreatitis.

~  School year is starting up again. I've now got just my teenage Sonshine to school this year. He's also beginning his college career and getting him registered was a nightmare. I still haven't enrolled him in his Virtual School classes, and I don't even know if I have all of his books yet. Summer has gone by way too fast.

~  I will be teaching again at the Co-op in January and I haven't even begun to plan for it. Usually I'm all prepared, get all my planning done over the summer, but that hasn't happened this year. It's a Creative Writing class. I shall be teaching the high schoolers again. We are going to create Autobiographies. Hopefully I'll get the darned class planned before it actually starts.

I'm sure there is a bunch I'm missing, suffice it to say, I've been busy. Such is life though, eh? I guess I should be thankful that I can say that I've been busy. I'm totally thankful that I haven't had to spend nearly the amount of time in bed as I used to.

Sorry I haven't been on here to update. I'm going to try to post more often. I've got to come up with some Top Ten Tuesday lists as well. Hopefully, it won't be so long before my next post.

We might feel helpless at times, but we are never hopeless! 

 

One of my Art Journal pages

Top Ten Tuesdays

As most of you know, I homeschool my two teenagers. I’ve always homeschooled them, thus they’ve never been to school a day in their lives. To counteract others’ thoughts on the whole “socialization issue”, my children have always been involved in myriad activities outside the four walls of our home. To name a few: gymnastics, guitar and piano lessons, homeschool park days, field trips galore, playdates, oh I could go on and on. Now that they are older, they are involved in Enrichment classes. They’ve taken classes (that are taught by the parents) in Art, Government/Economics, Writing, SAT Prep, Math Olympiads, Model UN, Renaissance, Drama, Latin, and so many more that I am forgetting at this moment. Suffice it to say, my children are well socialized and I feel they have received more than a well rounded education.

What does all of this have anything to do with my Top Ten list for this Tuesday you ask? Well, it just so happens that I also teach at my children’s Enrichment Program and have for the past 5 years. This spring I will be teaching an Art Appreciation class to the highschoolers.

Still you might be asking…and this has what to do with Top Ten Tuesdays?

I’ve been inundating myself with all things art. I love art and all things connected with art. I’ve even recently found my own artistic side through all of this (although I've always considered myself quite crafty).

I wanted to share with you my Top Ten Artists I've Been Studying (mostly Modern Art). So here goes in no particular order:

1. Georgia O’keefe

Rams Head, White Hollyhock and Little Hills, 1935

 

2. Henri Matisse

The Open Window, Collioure, 1905

3. Vincent Van Gogh

Starry Night, 1889

4. Jackson Pollock

Blue Poles #11, 1952

5. Georges Seurat

A Sunday Afternoon on the Île de la Grande Jatte,
1884

6. Claude Monet

Waterlilies and Japanese Bridge, 1899

7. Piet Mondrian

Tableau I, 1921 

8. Edgar Degas

Four Dancers, 1899

9. Pierre Renoir

A Girl with a Watering Can, 1876

 

10. Jasper Johns

 Numbers in Color, 1958-59

 

P.S. I've been so engrossed in planning the Art Appreciation class for my Homeschool Enrichment Program, I nearly forgot to post my Top Ten!!

 

Top Ten Tuesdays

Top Ten Favorite Websites, Blogs and Facebook Pages Related To Dysautonomia

I’ve been dealing with chronic illness for almost 4 years now. Not quite as long as many, but believe me, long enough. I’ve spent countless hours online reading, researching and trying to find out as much as I can about this disorder. Some the following sites can be found on the “Helpful Sites and Whatnot” tab at the top of this blog, but I figured it was time to list them in my Top Ten Tuesdays.

So…here goes my top ten favorite websites, blogs and facebook pages in no particular order:

1. https://www.facebook.com/groups/potsyparadise/

Ok, I realize I said “in no particular order” however I had to list this Facebook group first. This has become my “go to” FB page of late. It is a closed group for those with chronic illness, although chronic illness is rarely discussed. We talk about and share our lives outside of our illness, and it is so refreshing. I’ve so enjoyed getting to know the wonderful people on this site as well as the admin. (Linda Burgess Parsons). This site is a breath of fresh air. Check it out!!

2. https://www.facebook.com/pages/Living-With-Bob-Dysautonomia/137659809587078

This is another FB page, although the author (Michelle) has a blog as well: http://bobisdysautonomia.blogspot.com/ The author is a former Neuropsychologist unfortunately turned Dysautonomia patient. She is an extraordinary writer and has a knack for putting my thoughts into eloquent words. Of course they are her thoughts, however they resonate with me quite often.

3.  http://dinet.org/

This is an informational site for those with Dysautonomia. There is a plethora of information on this site; anything from definitions to doctors around the world who specialize in Dysautonomia.

4.  http://forums.dinet.org/

This is a page on Dinet.org. Here on the forums you can find caring, compassionate and encouraging people from all over the world sharing, asking, comforting, and discussing all things dealing with chronic illness, specifically Dysautonomia. This forum has been a god-send to me many times.

5.  http://justmildlymedicated.com/

This is a blog that I enjoy reading as well. The author (Carrie) is a military mom of four (thank you so much for your service Carrie!) She has a wonderful way of incorporating humor into the world of chronic illness that would otherwise not be humorous at all.

6. http://letsfeelbetter.com/

This is a blog from a gal that lives near my area. I’ve just recently come upon it and have enjoyed reading it. She is a free lance writer and has been published in magazines. She is getting Dysautonomia out there for all to read and increasing awareness one story at a time.

7. http://www.dysautonomiasos.com/

This is an informational site. It too has a plethora of information regarding Dysautonomia. They are making wonderful strides in awareness.

8. http://lethargicsmiles.wordpress.com/

This is yet another blog that I follow. The author writes about her life with chronic illness, specifically POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome). There is lots of info on the site and she allows us into her life with chronic illness.

9. https://www.facebook.com/groups/198025970324867/

This is a FB group that I just joined. It is called “Thriving with Dysautonomia” I can’t wait to dive in and get to know everyone.

10. https://www.facebook.com/groups/664857806880898/

This is yet another FB group called “Coping: Chronic Illness Support” It is another group that Linda Burgess Parsons admins. Linda does an awesome job and is always there with a smile and encouraging words.

As you can see, I spend heaps of time on Facebook!! I’m slightly embarrassed J Everyone needs support and encouragement and that’s what I get from the FB pages. Most of the FB groups I’ve listed (if not all) are closed groups which means that only the people that have been accepted into the group can see your posts. I prefer it this way as I don’t like sharing my illness with my family and friends, with the exception of my online friends. I know it sounds strange, but most of my family and friends don’t really know that I’m sick and/or if they do, they don’t really understand. That’s precisely why I enjoy these closed groups. I get to share and be encouraged as well as trying to do my part in supporting and encouraging others. I can tell you that it sure is nice to know that I’m not alone in dealing with this illness.

If you’re dealing with Dysautonomia please be sure to check out some of the above sites. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!

If anyone reading this has any sites, blogs, FB groups and the like to share that aren’t listed above, please feel free to leave a comment below.

We might feel helpless at times, but we shall never be hopeless!

Just Another Day in Paradise

I’ve mentioned before that I was on a hiatus of sorts from my illness. I found myself spending an inordinate amount of time dwelling on my vital signs, symptoms, research, trying to find new doctors and on and on and on. For me it was quite literally sucking the life right out of me. During this time, when I was realizing that certainly there has to be something out there that is positive; I ran across a Facebook group called POTSY Paradise. It began as a group for those with Dysautonomia, but has since blossomed into a group for those with chronic illness.

Check it out: https://www.facebook.com/groups/potsyparadise/

“POTSY Paradise is a place where those with a form of Dysautonomia, and related conditions, can come together to talk about their interests, dreams, hopes, lives. While we have Dysautonomia, or take care of someone who does, we rarely talk about it here. In Paradise, we are more than our illness. We are a group of people, who share a unique bond--one founded  in illness, but kept together through friendships that form by sharing more about ourselves. All that is said in POTSY Paradise, respectfully stays in POTSY Paradise. This is our GETAWAY from our illness, a place we can talk and be us, not our illness. Welcome, my friends, to POTSY Paradise.”

POTSY Paradise is now one of my “go-to” sites. There, I’m able to share in life outside my illness. I’m able to share about small victories, my pets, my family, my newly found artistic side. Through this site, not only do I feel free to share about my life, but am truly blessed to share in others’ lives as well. POTSY Paradise is truly an uplifting, encouraging blessing that I am so thankful to have happened upon. Truth be told, I really don’t believe that I just “happened” upon it. I believe I was lead to it, and for that I am surely thankful.

Recently an article was published in “The Lima News” (Ohio) about the site and its administrator’s story (Linda Burgess Parsons). It’s a great article and I’m so glad to see that word about this disorder is getting out there.

Check out the article here: http://www.limaohio.com/news/news_lifestyles/468535/Just-another-day-in-paradise

 

So…a huge thank you and the richest of blessings to POTSY Paradise for a lovely respite from this disorder.

Stupid Question

So I’ve been off the grid, so to speak for over a month now. I was hoping to come back on and be all “The world is my oyster, I’ve kicked this disorder’s a$$!” Sadly, not the case. I was trying to will this syndrome away, to no avail. I can still be thankful that I am about 20-30% better, but no way near back to my old self. I have chosen to live with it and do the best I can with what I’ve got.

I was thinking the other day that I need to call my doctor to make an appointment to refill my prescriptions. That’s all they really do for me, fill prescriptions. I guess it’s better than doing absolutely nothing. So, I was thinking about what I’d love to say (but probably won’t because I’m not the confrontational type) when the well-meaning doctor asks, quite possibly in my opinion, the stupidest question ever asked by a doctor to a patient with chronic illness…

“So how are you feeling?”…

My fantasy answer would go something like this:

“So, how am I feeling…how am I feeling? Let’s start with last night as I tossed and turned because my lower back, joints and tendons are in so much pain that it wakes me about every other hour, thus allowing me to get about 2 hours of continuous sleep at a time. This of course, is provided I can even get to sleep before I smell the coffee brewing for the next day with my tinnitus going full tilt, yet another headache, and a head full of thoughts about all the stuff I have to get done the next day but might not be able to.

I reluctantly wake the next morning sleep deprived, but I make the decision that this is a new day with new mercies.

Hmmm…how am I feeling? Well, I’m just hoping I can get through the day. As I roll out of bed feeling as though I’m eighty years old (even though I’m half that), complete with aches and pains as if somehow a Mac truck has sneaked into my room at night and run me over about a dozen times, I hobble into the bathroom to complete my morning routine which consists of peeing an inordinate amount of vermilion urine, possible diarrhea, brushing my teeth that hurt because I clench them so hard at night (I’ve cracked two molars now) hoping I don’t gag and throw up. I might need to revisit the toilet numerous times in the next couple of hours with the big D depending on the morning. Ahhh, what joy!

Actually, my mornings and afternoons go well most days provided I don’t have to double up on my anxiety meds because I have to drive somewhere or someone is coming over. Hopefully, I don’t get an adrenaline rush (or what I believe to be an adrenaline rush, I don’t know for sure as no doctor has ever looked into it) that leaves me in a pile of sweat on my cool bathroom tile floor unable to move or lift myself up. These usually happen at night though for no apparent rhyme or reason. I just lie there and have to wait for them to pass, and then I need to sleep for about 14 hours. This is just about the only time I get sleep, although I’d rather not have to go through the feeling of death in order to get some sleep.

I hope that I can do up the morning dishes without going into tachycardia, sweating profusely, tingling all over and ready to pass out, hurl or both. I hope that I can do a few loads of laundry so that my family at least has clean underwear. If I accomplish at least this without chest pain, I consider it a win. If I can get through one day without thinking I’m having a heart attack and wondering if I should call Big Handsome home to take me to the ER, I consider it a win. Hell, if I get up in the morning, I consider it a win.

I then retire to my bedroom where I spend most of my time. Maybe I’ll try to draw in the attempt to relax and lower my blood pressure that is slowly creeping upward. I would love to lie there in my comfy bed and draw, but I can’t because as of late, my eyes don’t work well with the need of reading glasses now, the floaters swimming haphazardly through my field of vision and my hands are to too shaky to draw a straight line.  A headache begins, but I’m used to those since I have one just about every single day of my life. I’m hoping it doesn’t turn into “the” headache that leaves me in a fetal position for hours and sometimes days.

I try to work with my kids on their schoolwork, all from my bed complete with laptop and books strewn all over my coverlet along with my two children and two dogs. Thank heavens for a king-sized bed. I attempt to instruct my children in Geometry, Pre-Calculus and Chemistry all with a brain-fog that leaves me not knowing which way is up.

Lunchtime is left up to the kids. At this point I don’t even know what they are eating. For all I know, lunch might consist of a pile of cheese balls. At least I know they will get a decent dinner as Big Handsome has graciously taken over that task because I can’t stand long enough at the stove to cook a meal anymore, and even if I did the tachycardia and fatigue would leave me unable to even eat the meal prepared.

I’d love to do about 15 minutes of Wii Fit Yoga, but choose not to as I know I will pay for it in spades for the next few days while my joints and tendons seem to be on fire. Might I have fibromyalgia?? Who knows, because yet again, no doctor has ever looked into it or entertained the idea that something else might be going on. 

At dinner, I eat approximately ¼ of what I used to eat and I only eat that because I have to. My stomach tells me I’m hungry but my mind says that I want to hurl just at the smell of food. After I choke down my meal, it’s onto the couch for the remainder of the evening. The headache continues as does the tinnitus, at which point I have to turn on the subtitles while attempting to watch a show because I can’t hear what is going on. If the character is turned away from the screen while talking, I can’t read their lips and am forever annoying my beloved family with “Huh???” “What did he say?” thus the need for closed captioning as well as the volume turned up to about 50, which does wonders for the headache. Wish I knew what was going on with all the hearing/tinnitus issues, but low and behold, no doctor has even talked with me about it.

I then retire to back to my bedroom hoping, praying that sleep will come, but all I have to look forward to is the same type of day tomorrow, that’s only if I can get to sleep at all.

So… dear doctor…in answer to the stupidest question ever asked, “How are you feeling?” How do you think I’m feeling? My answer is…”Like $hit, practically every day of my life.” By the way, this is my typical day. I haven't even mentioned the bradycardia, swings in blood pressure, nausea, and so much more. I’d like to ask you a question now, “What the hell are you going to do about it?”

And so, this is my triumphant return to the world of chronic illness. Thankful that I am still here to battle yet another day.

I hope that I can share something more positive in the near future.